The Big Questions

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Do you ever feel like you have zero answers? This whole summer I’ve felt like my continued response to the big life questions, has been, “I don’t know.”

I have been back in the States for over a week now, and I feel nothing but “restless.” I HATE saying those words… “I don’t know.” I cringe at thought of them. The utterance of them makes me sick to my stomach. I love to have answers! Shouldn’t life with Christ give us solutions, results and blueprints?

For those that might not know, I left a job here in the States that I absolutely loved in order to obey God’s leading in Guatemala this Summer. I have never loved a job so much in my entire life. The thought of working anywhere else makes me sick and sad all at the same time. Upon returning to Florida, I find out that there is little to no chance of me getting my old job back as my old position has been dissolved. As far as I know, the company is not hiring. I am at a loss.

It’s Just a Job Rachel

Most people I talk with encourage me that I can simply “get another job.” But this was not any other job for me. I saw purpose in what I did and it certainly wasn’t about the money. I valued my coworkers and saw purpose in my everyday interaction with them. Very good kingdom work was happening in that place. Why would God take away such a special position from me?

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55:9-11

Is Confusion Opportunity?

God’s ways are not my ways. I think my job was and is a great way to serve god and continue my mission outreaches. However, God clearly has something else in mind. He knows my heart and the hearts of those I will touch better than I do. Perhaps this confusion I feel is not really confusion at all but God moving me into a new season. And all I must do is be patient and not try and not try and figure it all out at once.

Think of the saints of old, did God ever give them an entire step-by-step blueprint?


The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. “I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”

genesis 12:1-3


So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.” God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.'”

Exodus 3:10-14


When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.”…. The LORD turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”

Judges 6:14-15

In addition, many women are mentioned in the Bible.

  • Shiphrah & Puah (Judges 4)
  • Tamar
  • Jael
  • Deborah
  • Hannah
  • Abigail
  • Esther
  • Ruth
  • Lois and Eunice

So where am I?

The list could go on and on. The Bible is filled with men and women who, powered by the Holy Spirit, did amazing things for the kingdom. However, where does that leave me? I am like Abraham, Moses and Gideon. God has shown me a vision but now I wait for Him to give me the next steps.


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I feel like I’m fighting a battle. But the battle is unknown to me. I am pushing hard against a wall that will not move. I push and I push but nothing happens. So, I sit back and wonder..“Why am pushing so hard against what seems to be an unmovable wall?” And then He said to me, 

“Look around you,
Look at your arms.

Are they not strong?
Can they not move mountains?

Look around you,
Look at your legs.

Are they not strong?
Can they not out run the gazelle?”

The wall was never meant to move. However, I am strengthening your body for the walls that will need to be moved. Keep pushing the unmovable wall because it’s not about the “wall” It’s about you.

Do you feeling you are fighting a battle?

If you feel, as I do, that you are fighting a pointless battle, remember that the battle itself may not be meant to be won. Focusing too much on the wall itself can be exhausting. Take a step back and look and the strength you have gained from fighting. Don’t quit. God does everything with purpose.

Donde estas caminando?

I feel as though I continue to walk out into a deep ocean. I don’t know what’s on the other side or even what lies beneath the surface but, walk forward I must. To stay in one place is possible.  But I will quickly become cold or even drown. Going back requires little strength as I will be walking in shallow waters. However, there is nothing on that side. Nothing but pebbles and a bit of sand. I don’t want the life with limiting pebbles and sand. I want the life lived in the cool deep ocean. The life that can kiss the rainbows but also ride the waves.

Que pasó?

It has been a while since my last post. Things in Guatemala are “unpredictable.” As I write this post I hear the constant loud banging of hammers, dripping water from the roof as well as the occasional sounds of crying and screaming children. Quiet spaces are few and far between when you live in a house with 11 children.

Every part of me wishes I could share the everyday occurrences with my friends and family! Sadly, I cannot. I hope my short posts will suffice!

What’s happening? “La vaca Lola”

Much has happened in this house in the last week. I have unintentionally memorized the children song “La vaca Lola” due to hearing it over 100 times daily. I wish I was embellishing on that number… Even as I write this, the song is being sung by the children. If you’re wondering what the song is about… It literally sings: “The cow has a head and the cow has a tail, say moooo.”

Cute right?

Other than learning a new children’s song, my Spanish is getting better. Unfortunately, two months is just not enough time to become fluent. However, every day I believe my language skills get better. I can talk more with the kids and each meal at the table becomes less “confusing.”

On a note about food… I wish I could tell you the amount of beans I have consumed so far during my stay… But I don’t know whether it would cause concern or laughter. But I will say that the little pleasures of the occasional avocado toast and pizza have been pleasant surprises!


Projects are in full swing here at the house. Every day Jerry has the boys helping with some kind of construction project. You can typically find me working with the kids or running around trying to capture as many photos as possible for BWS! There are always things to be done at the house. And the children love to help!

Currently we are working on tearing down an old house on the property. This is so that we can make room for the construction of a new visitors center tiki hut. Twice a week Casa Agua Azul has open days in which the children parents can come and visit. Parents can stay as long as they like and visit with their children. But we would like a designated area from them to visit. And now thanks to some very generous donations from Chicago and the Florida Keys, this hope is a reality!

Amazing Staff

I came Casa Agua Azul looking at things from a social work prospective. I thought I was going to notice many things that could be improved upon. However, I have quickly discovered that theory to be proven false. This staff may not have received all the “official” trainings on child care but they hear from The Father. Their natural instincts on love and discipline have been very well implemented. There is never a child left unattended or watched at all times. It can seem overwhelming with so many kids and few staff but they work wonders. 

Bluewater Surrender has put together an impeccable staff that I believe are FULLY capable to run that house. “Hardworking” does not even begin to describe director Jerry and his wife Gris. They go above and beyond for the children, the staff and Bluewater Surrender. They love what they do and work every day as if working for the Lord. It has been an honor to serve with them! And the more that I observe this staff, I am in awe. Only God could have hand picked such a special and devoted team. These workers love God and truly  desire to see the children thrive in the Lord. Gail and Ted can rest easy and have confidence that when they are away, their staff not only “comes to work” but does everything they can to make that place better. 


Many of these children struggle with multiple behavioral issues. And it is very challenging for the staff. Pray for continued strength and patience for the staff. Pray for the children for their hearts to heal and they would seek God more each day. Pray especially for Jerry his wife Gris and son Wally. Also pray for me ad my health. I have recently come down with an annoying cold. Pray for a quick recovery!

Que Estas Haciendo

What are you doing with your life?

I hear this particular question often. Not only do I hear this phrase asked to me in various ways, but I’ve noticed that I myself have uttered it quite a number of people. What are we looking for when we ask such a question? What answer would please us? Could it be that we are uncomfortable with unconventional responses to this question?

When a person asks me “what I’m going to do with my life,” I respond typically with the truth. That is: “Well I quit a job I absolutely loved in order to pursue what God called me to do this summer. I miss my job every day but I know God wants me in Guatemala at this time.” Before I can usually finish saying these things, I’m often met with the reply: “Oh I’m sure you can get your job back.”

Sadly I feel that well-meaning people miss the bigger picture in what God, is trying to accomplish in the lives of believers. Unfortunately, I fall into this category as well, as too often out of awkwardness I have asked God-fearing people the same question. Immediately after saying those familiar words I regretted it, as I watched them squirm to fetch an answer that would please my “worldy question.”  

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself

Philippians 3:20-21

Should I have a plan??

Yes. The book of Proverbs is filled with wise instruction about living a prudent life. I don’t believe God desires us to be carless and make no preparations for the future. Having money to live was as much a reality 2000 years ago as it is today. God is not unaware of our needs. On another note, I’m not discounting the need to trust God with all our needs. I’m only emphasizing the need to be good stewards. God will fund “His plans” as mentioned in Proverbs 16.

All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do and all your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 16:2-3

All hard work brings profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty

Proverbs 14:23

So what do you say??

I believe one could respond as the prophet Elijah responded to the Lord in 1 Kings 19.

“And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?” He replied I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty!” – 1 Kings 19:9-10

I tell people that I am very passionate for God and His desires to bring His kingdom to Earth. God’s ways are higher that my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I am open to whatever adventure He would like to take me on.