In a little over a week I will be boarding a plane for Guatemala. Never in my wildest dreams did I anticipate that my life would take the crazy turns that it has thus far. In the past 2 years, I have: purchased my first car, healed a tragic and painful heartbreak, learned how to make life long, healthy friendships and started a job that I love! A job complete with all the “adult benefits” that my parents so desperately want me to have! Things finally seem to be going the way that I always wanted them too.
Last year things started to go south for me. It began with my heart being town in a thousand pieces by the utter refusal to grieve a lost relationship. Grieve is not an option my friends. No matter how long you put it off, you must face it. And this year I had to face the pain of a dear lost friend. It wrecked me to the core. But God was there and showed me how to grieve. Never in my life have I experienced and continue to experience such healing from my heavenly Father.
The second thing that happened was I confronted with in an intense tension surrounding my local church. I loved my church, pastor and friends and had been faithfully serving there for years. I was so confused. For over 6 months I could not shake this tension and unsettling feeling every time I walked into the church building. I prayed, fasted and spoke with my mentors and church elders about what I was experiencing. No one would tell me “what to do,” as this was a decision I had to make myself with God. Ultimately I made the decision to leave my church and go the church I grew up in. This choice is one the the hardest decisions Iv’e ever made and the reproductions (lost friends and relationship) are still evident.
The third thing happened toward the end of the year in Guatemala. While leading a mission trip in November of 2018 I met an awesome woman of God. She and I connected on many levels in regards to our dreams and visions. So, we decided that we should get to know each other more and go out and do mission work together! I always knew I wanted to me a full-time missionary but I just never wanted to do it alone. As a result, my new friend and mission partner, came to my home town and lived with me for over a month and we planned our next adventure. We discussed how I would leave my job during the summer, then we would both move to Guatemala together and start our ministry. Needless to say, we both rushed things. We got in a big argument and almost lost the friendship entirely.
What have I done?
As I looked back at everything that happened over the year I wanted to quit. What kind of mess did I get myself into? I kept asking over and over, “What have I done?” Regreatably, I still ask this question. What am I doing? I’m leaving a great job, amazing friends and a loving church. God what are you doing?
God has done AMAZING things in my life. What I thought was mess has been changing me from the inside out. God is all about the heart. People with healthy hearts can change the world! Plus, success looks different in God’s eyes than mine. So, as I prepare to board the plane to Guatemala this summer I recognize that whatever happens, God is in control. He has taken me this far and He won’t quit now.